OMG FEELINGS

I'm tired of college. 

It's boring.

I hate exams.

Ok, enough angst. That ish stays in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

I have two difficult exams on Tuesday. 

Art History and Political Science.

I CAN DO IT.

Then sweet freedom for a whole month and new classes! Old friends from home and then new ones in the spring.

College is great, but it's almost like...

Is this it?

I don't think it gets better, I mean this isn't bad, but I feel it has plateaued. It's classes. It's tests. It's funzies. 

It's not super exciting....It's just...college.

It is what it is.

I'm being such an angsty little baby.

Listening to angsty music.

Being ill. 

Needing to study but not. 

Everyone is leaving slowly. This place is emptying out. 

I have  a hacking cough. 

Nasty, phlegmless, hacking grossness. 

I sound like an old man. 

Sigh. 

C'est la vie. 

I NEED TO GET UP AND DO SOMETHING AND NOT BE A LAZY BUM.

I am feeling like...constricted, and frustrated and I don't know why really. It's just one of those days. When you're just in a funk, you know, and something is wrong but nothing you can really see. Maybe it's the weather,  and the winter blues rears its ugly head. Maybe it's the blues.

No.

Wait.

I know what it is. 

I have the mean reds. 

Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds? 

Paul: The mean reds, you mean like the blues? 

Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling? 

Paul: Sure. 

Holly Golightly: Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that'd make me feel like Tiffany's, then - then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name...

I just feel like I want something and I don't know what it is and that's frustrating. You know? 

These are the things I know I want: 

-To finish my exams and get good grades on the last two hard ones.

-To go home.

-To not worry about my exams.

-To get things done and over with. 

I want to be able to not care. I want to be done. I'm so ready to be done right now. 

I need a cup of tea. That is what I need. I need a cup of tea and I need to fold my laundry and I need to pack and I need to clean my room and I need to hunker down and study because if I don't, I know I'll regret it. 

I need to get over this god awful plague I'm suffering from. And I need to go home and see my family because I miss them and I need to eat real food and read a good book and I need to not have these mean reds. 

I hate wasting my time not being happy.

I'm just so irritated right now and it's so silly.

Tea time.