Just once I knew what life was for. In Athens, quite suddenly, I understood

"It's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday." -American Beauty I felt like that today. Up there, that quote. I wish I had a funny story to tell today, but as it is, all of my funny stories are about boys and I don't want to come off as an eighth grade girl at the moment. Even though I totally am. So this one is serious. Feel free to stop reading, but please don't, because I am showing you how multi-faceted I am. Like Loreal Feria hair color commercials. Anyway, yesterday was just a great day. I woke up and it was chilly outside and I wore jeans and a light sweater. I love fall. I love fall, David says it's because it's nostalgic. He says it's because of Halloween and Thanksgiving and the memories and all that. He says it's the way it smells. He's probably right. I don't know why, and for too many reasons to list, I love fall. I also love David. He is a good dude. It was the first real fall day of Athens yesterday and it was just such a good day, all day long. There was a light, chilly breeze that blew my hair around my face all day. It smelled cold. It smelled fresh. I could take deep breaths and fill my lungs and I could feel the burn of coldness and it was so good. I walked around and did my usual things and... just everything went right that day. My classes were good and I just could not stop smiling. And smiling is so great, because it's so responsive. Everyone smiles back at a smiling person. I'm going to do it more. It does a body good. Anyway, after my classes and everything, I got a delicious smoothie with Rachel and met an old friend who I haven't seen in two years. Serendipity. Rachel had to go to a class, and all of a sudden I was alone with my smoothie on North Campus and I felt that feeling. The feeling from the quote. I was walking and it was quiet because not many people were out. The sun was almost setting but not quite, so it was still light outside but not as bright. It was like someone had draped an auburn sheet of cellophane over the world and the light filtered through the trees and the wind was tickling around the leaves and all you could hear was rustling. Not many people were out, and those who were were reading and enjoying the quietude. It felt like a gray area, an in between time, an almost. I felt like a privately chosen lucky winner who was allowed to experience this quiet time, this almost place. And then, I took a deep breath and I looked at the pretty-ness and the colors and listened to the rustling and I felt so good. Like I was a part of the universe and the universe was a part of me and I was where I belonged, in my purple sweater and my dark wash jeans, sipping my Pink Lady , crunching on the gravel sidewalk, and just breathing. There is a bliss in solitude, seeking upon that inward eye, and then when you are alone and completely in yourself, you realize some things. I've lost it since the moment passed, but I realized something. It calmed me down. I don't know what it was, but I still have it somewhere. Maybe it's just waiting to come out for the right time, for another almost time. I've learned that you shouldn't go after things all crazy-like and desperate. I still believe that you shouldn't be afraid to go after whatever makes you happy because life happens once, but I think I've realized...sometimes the best things just fall into your lap. You don't have to look or try, because they're waiting for you. Maybe it's a person or an opportunity or five dollars on the ground. The best things are surprises, sometimes. Let life happen. Keep calm and carry on. Don't try to solve all of her mysteries, because there is magic in the mystery. The mystery is the magic. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday. Just once I knew what life was for. In Boston, quite suddenly, I understood; walked there along the Charles River, watched the lights copying themselves, all neoned and strobe-hearted, opening their mouths as wide as opera singers; counted the stars, my little campaigners, my scar daisies, and knew that I walked my love on the night green side of it and cried my heart to the eastbound cars and cried my heart to the westbound cars and took my truth across a small humped bridge and hurried my truth, the charm of it, home and hoarded these constants into morning only to find them gone. -Anne Sexton